Descriptive information on a sample of family concerns

Angry Feelings:  People normally feel anger in response to situations around them.  Such feelings are neither good nor bad.  But the way of dealing with anger can be either positive or negative leading to either destructive or constructive outcome for the person and the family
    People who get angry frequently tend to develop more physical problems than those who do not.  These include diseases of the heart, stomach and intestines and nervous system. 
    Treatment for chronic anger includes learning alternatives to anger and dealing with the stress that so often contributes to our feelings of anger. 

Anxiety:  An estimated 15 percent of the population suffer from devastating and constant anxiety that severely affects, and sometimes highly restricts their lives.  Anxiety disorder affects a person's behavior, thoughts, feelings and physical sensations. Anxiety results in excessive self-absorption such that involvement with others including family members become difficult or impossible.
    The most common forms of Anxiety Disorder are these:  Social Anxiety - the fear of being around people.  With this disorder, persons are always self-conscious, feel people are staring at them or are critical of them.  A person with this disorder may be so uncomfortable as to avoid being around others.  Panic Disorder - Persons experience panic attacks that are extremely upsetting and frightening followed by feelings of depression and helplessness.  Generalized Anxiety Disorder:  A person's life is filled with worry, anxiety and fear.  The person may become incapacitated by the inability to shut their minds off and may be overcome with their feelings of worry and dread.
    Typically, persons feel better when they receive the proper treatment.  The exact choice of treatments and time required will differ depending on the form of the disorder and the unique set of factors involved.

Chemical Dependence:  Addiction to alcohol or other drugs is a chronic disease. It is progressive, continuous, and long term. Alcohol or drug abuse means that a person has no control over whether he or she drinks or uses. Chemical dependence means that a person has lost all control over his or her drinking or using behavior.
    People suffering from an addictive disease engage in compulsive behavior and gradually lose control of their lives. They continue to drink or use drugs even when they know that doing so has negative consequences. They tend to have low self-esteem and almost inevitably suffer from anxiety and depression. If someone in your life suffers from addictive disease, you have experienced his or her extreme behavior ranging from depression to exhilaration and probably also his or her denial ("I can quit anytime" or "I don't have a problem"), dishonesty, frequent disappointments, and series of ruined relationships. These are hallmark behaviors of a person who suffers from addiction to alcohol or drugs.
    Addictive disease is progressive and can be fatal. The effects felt by the family are severely degenerative usually leading to a complete breakup.  Fortunately, recovery is possible with the right treatment.  A qualified family therapist who understands the process of addiction and recovery needs to be consulted.  The recovery plan he or she will recommend will involve individual therapy with the client, therapy with the family and possibly friends and coworkers.  Group therapy may also be recommended at some stage in the recovery. 

Death in the Family:  Death of a family member is upsetting to everyone.  There is the loss of the loved one's presence in the lives of those that remain.  There is the loss of emotional and financial support the person may have supplied.  Just as important, for those members of the family that remain such an event calls up many questions about their own faith that may not have been fully explored and resolved.
     The time of grieving is not a time for those who survive to be left alone.  If a person has friends or is a part of a caring community like a church, people will come and provide a ministry of presence and express sorrow and concern for those in mourning.  However, the process of grieving and recovery from loss most often takes time - long after the well-wishers have gone.  Stephen Ministers, Counseling Ministers, Pastors and Counselors can do much to help family members through the process to recovery.  Christian counselors are in the best position to help, because they can affirm their own faith in the promises of Christ.  Support groups of others who are experiencing grief provide an opportunity for working through the process of grief and recovery with others who are also on that road. 

Depression:  Depression is a serious illness with a variety of causes including genetic, chemical, physical and sociological and often is influenced by behavior patterns learned in early life.  It affects many people and is always troubling and many times disabling.  It throws a damper on healthy family relationships and may initiate depression in younger members of the family.
    It is more than "the blues."  It can affect every part of a person's life - physical body, behavior, thought processes, mood, ability to relate to others and general lifestyle.  It is characterized by:

A person does not necessarily experience all those characteristics.
    Many physicians believe that depression results from a chemical imbalance in the brain, and some people experience relief when given antidepressant medication, but there is no reliable test to identify such a chemical imbalance.  Studies at Vanderbilt University and the University of Pennsylvania found that cognitive therapy is just as effective as medication in treating severe depression and is less expensive.
    Neurofeedback therapy has been helpful for treatment of depression.  Cognitive therapy conducted by a trained therapist helps depressed clients feel better by helping them identify how faulty ways of thinking made them feel bad.  They can then begin to learn to substitute more healthy ways of thinking and learn to affirm how the love of God can restore their belief in themselves and in life in general.

Eating Disorders:  These disorders include a group of serious and complex illnesses that affect mostly adolescent and young adult women.  These disorders present a severe threat to a person's health and can result in dangerous physical problems and even death.
    Anorexia nervosa.  Persons with this disorder have a distorted view of their actual body weight for their age and height and a dread of being fat.  They starve themselves and deny the reality of their physical condition and its physical effects which include missed menstrual cycles.  They exercise compulsively and to excess.  About a third of persons with this disorder develop bulimia nervosa.
    Bulimia nervosa.  These persons are overly concerned about their body shape and weight basing their self-image on how they think they look even though their weight may be normal.  They are obsessed with food, engaging in episodes of overeating or bingeing followed by efforts to void the food in order to avoid gaining weight. They may make themselves vomit, consume laxatives or diuretics or give themselves enemas.  Non purging types compensate by fasting or excessive exercise.
    Binge eating:  The most common type of eating disorder is compulsive overeating  They do not engage in binging and as a result experience rapid weight gain, weight fluctuation and obesity.  They are often secretive with food, hording it and eating alone.  They feel ashamed of their eating habits and often develop depression and anxiety.
    Treatment for the disorder requires cooperation between a physician who can provide medication for the physical effects of the disorder and a therapist who can provide cognitive behavior therapy and relationship counseling.  Self-help groups like Overeaters Anonymous provide support for people with this disorder.

Family Cohesiveness:  People who come from cohesive families are more productive and successful in life than people who come from disengaged families.  Marriages are less likely to disintegrate and conflicts among family members are resolved with minimum damage to the relationships when there is cohesiveness in the family.
    Many features of our modern society can be blamed for the lack of cohesiveness in families:  Lack of strong, common values; lack of good role models; loss of a community which strengthens the families within it.  But the facts are, each family must take responsibility for developing a strong sense of family for itself.  This means the adults (parents) must be intentional and unified in the effort to achieve a family with a strong sense of belonging to each other.  The scriptural admonition to "Love one another," (John 13:34) must be the strong motivating force.
    The counselor will meet with all members of  the family and lead in a process through which all the members will set goals, define boundaries, and accept responsibility for achievement.  Specific tasks will be assigned and reported in follow-up meetings as the family comes to hold each other responsible and begins to place priority on achievement of a family with a strong identity, and each person is respected for his or her individuality and feels supported by all the members of the family. 

Parent/Teen Conflict:  Parent/Teen conflict is almost inevitable, but the destructive nature of the encounters can be lessened if parents can learn three things:  (1) Adolescence is the period when a child becomes an adult.  It is a process of transformation, both physically and emotionally.  The teen's primary developmental task is to separate from his or her parents and get ready to live as an independent adult.   This is necessary for everyone to live successfully as an adult.  During this process, the teen questions all authority and rules, and (although the teen does not realize it) learns to take responsibility for his or her own actions.  (2) Keep the lines of communication open.  This means learning to listen.  Stop being shocked at what you hear.  Asks the right questions.  Stop making judgmental statements.  (3) Continue setting boundaries appropriate to the age and maturity of the teen.  Even though the teen may resist any boundaries parents set, they need the stability that definite rules provides for them until they are ready to be out on their own.
    If this sounds hard to do as parents, no one said it was easy.  A counselor can provide instruction in skills of communication and setting boundaries for both parents and teens.  When conflicts do arise, a counselor can mediate between parents and teens to resolve the conflict and move toward restoration of open communication. 

Sexual Abuse:  Being sexually abused involves both physical and psychological assault.  Victims are often unable to develop close, healthy sexual relationships with a committed partner.  Victims experience a range of emotions including fear, shame, anger, and depression.  Emotional and physical reactions include:
   Shock - The victim feels disbelief, fear and anger: may also experience flashback and sleep disorder;   
   Adjustment - Feels life beginning to return to normal and may deny the impact of the assault. 
   Resolution - Feels closer to resolving the issues, but may continue to be depressed, experience mood swings, feel cut off from others or the need to isolate herself or himself. 
    During the Resolution phase of recovery, the patient can be assisted by individual counseling and/or group therapy.  Group therapy is an excellent way for victims to talk about their experiences with others in a supportive, nonjudgmental atmosphere. 

Sexual Dysfunction: Any condition which prevents persons from experiencing enjoyment in normal sexual relationships with their partners is a dysfunction. 
    Male dysfunction includes these conditions:  Erectile dysfunction, painful intercourse, delayed ejaculation, premature ejaculation, orgasmic disorder, and inhibited sexual desire.
    Female dysfunction includes:  Lack of sexual desire, arousal disorders, orgasmic disorders and painful intercourse.
    Treatment varies between the sexes and depends on the nature of the dysfunction.  Initial determination needs to be made to discover if the dysfunction is physical and will respond to medical treatment, although most sexual disorders are psychological in origin.  Best results are obtained when therapy involves both individual therapy and counseling with both partners together and may include sensate-focus exercises.  [HOME]

Stepfamily Challenges:  If you are a step parent, you know that you are in for some unique challenges.  But frustration can be reduced if you will readjust your expectations.  In the first place, don't expect this new family to be like your first family.  Each family brings its own mix of personalities and histories that make them unique.
    Second, learn to be patient.  Your new partner's children are not going to automatically love you.  That will take time to earn.  They are not going to accept your authority as parent just because you are married to their birth parent.  Trust relationships will take time to form.
    Third, plan to make some adjustments of your own.  Don't expect all the adjustments to be made by the other members of the family.  You need to be flexible through the period of adjustment that everyone must make in the family.
    Fourth, don't take the grieving over the lost relationship of the parent no longer in the home as a personal rejection.  Stepfamilies always start with an experience of loss and everyone needs time to grieve.
    Fifth, don't expect to do this alone.  There are going to be rough spots.  Get help.  Read books about managing stepfamilies, attend classes, participate in stepfamily support groups.  Seek a marriage and family counselor to help you navigate through to a stable and cohesive family. 

Work Stress:  Work stress experienced by an individual is often carried home and becomes a stressful environment which affects the entire family.  Work produced stress has increased over the last 50 years because technology has both increased the complexity of our work and at the same time reduced the physical exercise necessary to do it.  It is not likely that changes in the work place will make it any less stressful in the future, so it is important to learn some techniques to reduce the effect of stress on our bodies.
    Three effective ways of dealing with stress are these:  (1) Watch what you eat:  Avoid caffeine, refined sugar, processed flour, salt, tobacco and alcohol.  During times of stress, eat more fruits, vegetables, whole grain breads, cereals and beans.  (2) Get moving.  Exercise is the simplest and most effective ways to reduce stress.  It provides a natural release to the fight-or-flight state of arousal.  (3) Force yourself to set specific times to spend with the family in recreation and communication.  (4) Look for ways to let go of tension and anxiety.  Your therapist can train you in some meditation and relaxation techniques to regenerate and refresh yourself.

Marriage and Couples    Family Therapy    Children and Adolescents

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